A Fortnum and Mason Hamper Fit For a Londoner

In my wildest fantasies, I imagine being gifted a hamper…not just any old hamper but a wicker Fortnum and Mason hamper bearing the chic black monogram and brim filled with exquisite treats – each one in beautiful packaging A hamper fit for a Londoner of refined taste (me). And it would be the sort of hamper that would thrill all Londoners from monarchs to the locked-down and quarantined in the London suburbs.

Fortnum and Mason Hampers are a Right Royal Treat

Today I had an email from the Queen’s grocer, Fortnum and Mason informing me of their Locked Down Lovers Hamper…a worthy alternative, in these times of virus, to a Valentine’s dinner

An opportunity for lovers everywhere to change into seductive jimjams and snuggle on the sofa with the delights of a bottle of Cote du Rhone, chocolate covered raspberries, stilton, butter biscuits, rose petal and prosecco jelly and dark chocolate macadamia nut biscuits amongst other delectables.

But in my small household of me and my cat, we have a more savoury meaty, fishy tooth, we like sharper, bitter umami tasting things, London things. A pork pie or scotch egg anyone?

As a double royal warrant holder, Fortnum and Mason supplies both the Queen and the Prince of Wales. And naturally, I want whatever she is having!

I can’t quite picture Her Majesty, on the sofa, snuggled up to the Duke of Edinburgh with a bag of chocolate covered raspberries.

Anything that I choose for my perfect Fortnum and Mason hamper has to shout from the rooftops “supplied by the Queen’s grocer and fit for the Queen”.

So I have trawled through the Fortnum and Mason’s omnibus of fine delicacies, condiments and preserves to see if I could create the perfect selection, the most scrumptious of scrumptious, the most Toad of Toad Hall and the most Rupert Bear of all offerings.

Fortnum and Mason est. 1707, is a jewel box of a shop with liveried staff. Decked in an iconic turquoise blue, it screams luxury and refinement. Stopping off point for stage coaches, sender of sustenance to wars and boarding schools. Purveyor of goods to royals. A lifeline in the heart of Piccadilly.

What is the Winning Fortnum and Mason’s Hamper formula?

I analysed all Superior and Show Stopper Fortnum and Mason hampers priced £200-£2,500 and concluded that a magic and majestic hamper needs to contain items in these categories:

• Tea and coffee
• Preserves and honey
• Savoury crackers
• Pates and spreads
• Ham and cheese
• Chutney and mustard
• Sweet Biscuits
• Chocolates
• Wine and spirits
• A gift item eg. a cook book or a tea pot

My Winning  Criteria

All delicious consumables would need to pass the following test:

• Something I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, make from a recipe
• Delectable to the extent that I would be salivating as I tear open the packaging
• Uniquely English and preferably with a London twist
• True to its royal heritage and fitting for Queen Elizabeth II
• Something clearly superior to a supermarket product

Here’s a Fortnum and Mason Hamper Fit for a Londoner – This Londoner! Me!

In blue, black and white – here is my gift list for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s, Pancake Day, My Cat’s Name Day or any other special occasion. The work has been done for you!

Traditional Potted Stilton

This cheese is the celebrity of Stiltons, it is made from the last family-owned Stilton producer in the UK, and only with milk from the three ‘Stilton counties’ – Derbyshire, Nottinghamshire and Leicestershire. And the jar has cachet.

Welsh Rarebit Cheese Straws

My mother used to make cheese straws with pastry, cheddar and mustard powder.

But the best cheese straws are the ones wheeled out at the Goring Hotel. It is well worth going there for a few drinks just for the complimentary bar snacks.

Can Fortnum and Mason win a cheese straw competition? Theirs is made with cheddar cheese and hints of mustard and is perfect to enjoy alongside a tipple or two.

Piccadilly Piccalilli Pantry Jar

I like English mustard, I like cauliflower, onions, and gherkins, carrots and green beans and I like piccalilli. It’s like an adult version of Heinz Sandwich Spread. And I think it pairs very nicely with ham so this is going in.

Walnut & Seed Crackers

Traditionally, British crackers have been a bit bland. I have a loathing for cream crackers. They always seem to emerge slightly stale from the tin. I would be excited to have these bold nutty, savoury biscuits.

Pork pie, cheese, piccalilli and crackers are the perfect park picnic – just add grapes.

Jubilee Blend Tea

In 2012, Queen Elizabeth had her Diamond Jubilee and we were invited to a garden party at Buckingham Palace.

On arrival, we received a wicker hamper containing chilled country garden soup, jubilee chicken, smoked salmon, cheese and chutney, bread and cakes with lavish servings of champagne.

It was a dreary and rainy afternoon but we feasted on blankets in the grounds, serenaded by a string quartet.

Fortnum and Mason marked the occasion by producing a special tea blend of Indian, Ceylon and China teas, creating a slightly smoky tea. Perfect for a Queen’s garden party.

Rose & Violet English Creams

Growing up, I liked parma violet sweets which came in a thin tube and tasted artificial and violetty. But how much better it would be to have chocolates made with real flower essences suspended in fondant cream and enrobed in dark chocolate with their pretty crystallised flower decorations.

Floral creams are beloved by royalty. Fortnum and Mason Rose & Violet English Creams are proclaimed to be their signature chocolates.

Very English. Very Royal. Very London.

Burlington Breakfast Marmalade

Many years ago, I was stumbling about exploring a local park in Chiswick and came across a tiny neo-Palladian mansion surrounded by sphinx statues and filled with priceless antiquities.

It was Chiswick House, Lord Burlington’s summer house and here I was on a glorious Summer day overcome by the urge, not just to visit, but to work there, surrounded by the beautiful treasures that he acquired on his Grand Tour.

And each day for that summer, I sat on a carved, mahogany chair in one of the upstairs interconnecting rooms reading books about Lord Burlington.

Lord Burlington’s London residence, Burlington House (the Royal Academy) is opposite Fortnum’s which is why they decided to name a marmalade in his honour. They believe that there is a parallel between his love of 16th century architecture and the fine construction of this marmalade of pale golden jelly mixed with fine cut peel.

Who knows? But I think I would be every happy with a jar of anything with his name on it.

Blackberry Preserve

Jam used to be something that was made in every kitchen. As kids, we used to go foraging in late August for blackberries in the local fields. Then my mother would mix them with apples to make a dense, treacly jam with cellophane paper lids held firm with a rubber band. It was like a blue-blooded murder in the kitchen, all of us stained with blackberry juice.

Fortunately, in the 2020s we don’t need to go to all that trouble. Fortnum and Mason Blackberry Preserve is described as “juicy and fragrant without being too sweet”. This would be amazing on warm, home-made fruit scones with a thick layer of clotted cream.

Rose Petal & English Honey Jelly

My father used to have an Egyptian friend who was addicted to the finer things in life and one of his peculiar penchants was for the Fortnum and Mason’s Rose Petal Jam. I’m still trying to get my head round this! Being curious, I ventured into a local Asian area and bought some rose jam which has been languishing in my cupboard untried for a year or so.

But I’d be keen to try this honey jelly with a fragrant rose scent. It would be memorable. Really, how many people have tasted a rose petal honey jelly? A dinner table talking point.

Lemon Curd Biscuits

This is a classic lemon curd buttery biscuit and would be moreishly delicious with a zesty flavour created from real lemon-curd. This is going in!

If you are looking for less pricy treats that are available from your local supermarket check out our post on London Snacks. And our post on Buying Tea in London  is worth a read. We particularly enjoyed Postcard Teas London Roast.

London Dry Gin

As I learned at a pre-lockdown gin tasting at Ronnie Scott’s, gin doesn’t have much flavour until botanicals are added. This information was gleaned before I over-tasted and things became a blur. The botanicals for this gin include bergamot, nutmeg and juniper…and it tastes citrussy and spicy. Nothing quite hits the spot after a difficult locked down day than a gin and tonic with a few nibbles.

Blanc de Blanc

A few years ago, I went to a show at the Hippodrome Casino, an adult themed musical, hilarious in its vulgarity, called Blanc de Blanc. It ended with a semi-naked man (with very tight speedos) cavorting in a glass of champagne. It was at that precise moment that I realised that there was champagne and champagne, and that the Rolls Royce of champagnes was Blanc de Blanc.

The Fortnum and Mason Cook Book

I have been the privileged attendee at many of the events in the Fortnum and Mason kitchen shop on the first floor. Dishes are frequently demonstrated from the Fortnum and Mason Cook Book. Everything (and I mean everything) that comes out of the oven is mouth-wateringly divine and served by uniformed staff on silver platters.

This book is written by Tom Parker Bowles, a London based food writer broadcaster and restaurant critic for The Mail on Sunday and Food Editor of Esquire magazine. I like its old fashioned logic (Breakfast, Morning Tea, Lunch etc.) and simple quintessentially British recipes covering all the important things in life like how to cook kippers, boil eggs, and pair blueberry scones with stilton…old fashioned food at its best.

Pickled Brussel Sprouts

I’ve got to be honest this statement by Fortnum and Mason is something I somewhat doubt,

“Deliciously crunchy and oh-so-British, we’re sure these glorious Pickled Brussels Sprouts will win over even the most ardent of sprout naysayers.”

but I’d be prising the lid off with alacrity to try them.

I could be one of the handful of people in London who has eaten a pickled Brussel sprout. Surely, it’s worth a shot?

You may also be interested in our blog post on less upmarket popular London snacks.

Where to buy a Fortnum and Mason Hamper

A Fortnum and Mason hamper and other delectables can be purchased online from www.fortnumandmason.com

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